Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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