a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
