just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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