So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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