In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
