my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
