there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
