tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
