You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
