went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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