Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
