Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
