can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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