I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
