Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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