We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
