I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
