Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
