So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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