i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
