Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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