Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
