So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Still dying that you shit outside
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
