I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
