My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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