I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
