oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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