so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
