Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
