Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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