I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need water and some morals
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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