Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
