at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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