I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
