Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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