Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
