The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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