I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
