Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
