It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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