It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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