I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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