you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
