yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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