My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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