they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
