So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
