i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
