i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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