He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
