actually, I'm a sock model
she woke up with a sticky ear
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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