go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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